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How many of you ladies out there have friends and acquaintances who seem to date the same type of guy over and over again expecting a different result? I know I certainly do. This post is for those ladies who want to find “the one” but keep dating guys who will never fit that bill.  We all make boyfriend “mistakes” at some point or another, but the hope is that we learn from these “mistakes” and we move on to find Mr. Right with our new found knowledge.

My mistake shall remain nameless but let me just tell you that I was 13 when I met him and 16 when I left him behind in the dust and never looked back again.  I learned my lesson young, but I learned it well.  It led me to the wonderful husband (and life) that I have now.  Here are a few things my mistake taught me NOT to look for in the man you want to marry.  These may seem like obvious things, but when you are in love it can be hard to move on.  If your guy does any one of these things you might want to think about saying goodbye.

  • If he makes a frequent habit of giving you put-downs or calls you names then he isn’t worth it.  Who wants to be tied to a person who makes them feel bad about themselves? Not me.
  • If he is ashamed of being with you in public as exemplified by not wanting to hold your hand, tell others that you are dating, etc.
  • If he is frequently late for dates and doesn’t call to let you know where he is because he is out hanging with his “buddies”.
  • If he makes a habit of breaking his promises to you and to others.
  • If he is unkind to others (talks down to people, talks about friends behind their backs, declines to help others in need, etc.)
  • If he is unmotivated to do well in school/work and would rather be lazy.
  • If he doesn’t stick to his professed values and/or beliefs.
  • If he CHEATS on you with another woman.
  • If he commits any kind of crime or has close friends that frequently commit crime (stealing, vandalizing, driving drunk, hurting others, etc.)
  • If he would rather go out drinking with his friends than spend time with you on a frequent basis.
  • If he ignores your calls and text messages.
  • If he has ever broken up with you in the past (especially more than once).  If a man is EVER willing to let you out of his life then he ISN’T the one.  Trust me.

Now that we have gone over the qualities that a lady does not look for, let’s take a look at the qualities you do want to find in your guy.

  • If he is kind to others and willing to help people with a cheerful heart (meaning no grumbling) like holding open doors at stores and restaurants, carrying groceries for a stranger who is having trouble, raking leaves in his mom’s yard, etc.
  • If he professes to have clear and distinct values that he upholds through example.  My husband told me when we were dating that he believed women deserved to be treated with respect and he has always upheld that value through holding open doors, calling me on time for phone conversations in college when we were far apart, never calling me harsh names, etc.
  • If he has a hard work ethic and is willing to do anything he can to help provide for himself or family.  A little ambition never hurt either, but isn’t necessary for every lady.
  • If he is responsible, for example remembering to complete chores around the house on time, paying his bills, turning projects in on time, etc.
  • If he holds your hand and is proud to tell his friends that you are his girl.
  • If he talks about marriage and commitment with you.
  • If he is willing to do just about anything to make you smile.
  • If he is faithful and loyal to you.  For example sticking up for you when others put you down or tease you in front of him.
  • If he tells you that you look beautiful even when you have a horrible cold, haven’t showered in days and look like a mess.
I wrote a list down of all the qualities that I wanted to find in a man (just like this one) right after I made my guy “mistake” at age 16 and I found my hubby only a couple of months later.  We dated for over 5 years and made it through everything because he is a man that has all the “right” qualities.  That isn’t to say he doesn’t falter from the above list every now and again but for the most part he sticks to it.  He is very handsome in my opinion, but that wasn’t what I was focused on.  I focused on who he was as a person and how he treated me.  That is why I have one of the best gentlemen a lady could ask for.

Nick and I at ages 17 and 18 (his senior pictures)

A 90’s theme party in college

An Engagement Picture

Our Wedding Day

Our Honeymoon

Some pictures taken by Kate Podjan Photography

Good luck finding the guy that turns your world upside down and to those of you who have already found him, go give him a kiss!

Chelsea

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